So Where Do the Years Go
by gemma smells like apple cake
Summary: Post BD - renesmee is growing up but how do you deal with not getting to experience your childhood or even chosing who you will love. ofcourse it will end happy but how do you get from A to B with no time to think
1. Chapter 1

**authors note: hey guys so new story post BD so again if you havn't read it yet don't read this. um in the first chapter i don't even get to talking about bella and edward. you get a quick glimce of jacob but really its just an intro and i'll try up dated when ever i can. it will a decent lenghted piece **

**enjoy**

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Prologue

Growing up is hard when it is so fast that you don't really get to experience it. Sometimes I really begrudge what I am just because I will never get what my mother had or any of my family. My life was predetermined before I was born my future all ready set. Because of this sometimes the things I love the most are the very things I hate.

I have only been alive for 5 years, only thought about for a month before that. My childhood is non-existent because my stupid mind even betrayed my heart.

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Everyday my Jacob woke me from the clouds of sleep with a bowl of cereal. Now ok cereal wasn't my favorite food – food wasn't my favorite food-, but I really appreciated the gesture and it wasn't to bad of a way to start my accelerated life. I had lived 18 years in 5 I didn't want to miss anything.

"Hey Ness, how are you this morning." His rough but warm fingers traced to shape of my face, his hands gifts from the gods. oh it was heaven to wake up

"Older" was my immediate reply this used to freak me out scare me even but I had grown to except it I was just regretful is sighed but this was life, mine.

"Then we better fill it with as much random stuff as possible" and he smiled and grabbed my hand, no time to dress and worry about how I looked just time to experience life. We were quickly in the car buckled in and driving down the road I was in the back divider- best invention ever for in car change room – and quickly made myself presentable. Every day this week was the same I was getting a taste of what my senior year would be like. When I looked fourteen I had thrown the biggest trauma of my life about how it wasn't fair that I would never be young not really. My Jacob took the brunt of it but no one new how to help my depression except jasper strangely enough. He had suggested that if I wanted a taste of teenage life I could go to school for three weeks in each grade, I wouldn't have grown to much in that time and we would just pretend I was an army brat or something. It was the best and hardest thing I ever had to do. The first time it surprised me how important it was for me to make friends to fit in. and to do this again and again was hard but by the time I got to high school I liked to think of myself as a pro.

So that's what today was, Friday of my first week. Sure I never really made any strong friendships but at least I got a taste that's all I ever could hope for. I kissed Jacob on the cheek and jumped out of the car knowing he would be here as soon as the bell rang to whisk me off to my next activity.

I walked through the junior quad and over to where the seniors lived, I think I actually liked being a junior more they were so strangely self-important but seniors were more welcoming they still had the royalty complex but they weren't so hard to convince I wasn't a freak. I sat down at one of the benches that were filled with a group of students who had graciously allowed me into their circle for the remainder of my stay. Five of them in total a Jess a Nicky, Tom, Pete and Terry. They were nice, as friendly as anyone in high school was and they weren't popular but they still got invited to the parties so the perfect sample of people for maximum levels of experience. I still had a long day ahead of me but I settled myself into this routine and tried to forget that it wasn't going to last nearly long enough.

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**so there you have it the first chapter of my first piece that i'm actully going to complete because its really easy for me to right for some reason up don't know when i'll post next chapter but it shouldn't take to long. yes i know its short but the next bits a bit longer and i didn't feel like editing it yet. R&R**

**ciao xoxoxoxoxoxoxo**


	2. Chapter 2 i'm five fricking years old

**authors note: so this is the second chapter it's longer then the last but not that long because i wanted to get up today enjoy**

**disclaimer: don't own twilight but won't it be cool if i did**

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Jacob could run faster then a human he could run faster then me

Jacob could run faster then a human; he could run faster then me. Everyday we would race to see if I was that much better, that much closer to his rustic brown tail. The feel of stretched out muscles and heavy breath made me feel alive closer to what he was. It was the one time I didn't mind the growing thing.

After a long but fun day of school talking about prom and parties and the silly issues of who was going out with whom I couldn't keep my happiness to myself. I pranced and played with Jacob in his wolf form. Him being the only dog I could ever have that would die of a heart attack the moment he walked into the house.

For my third birthday Emmet had paid for a delivery of a white rabbit so that I could cross another human experience off the list. The door hadn't opened before it could hope no more. I didn't find out about the rabbit for another few weeks, it was actually quiet funny to think about, as If I really wanted a pet when I had a werewolf all of my own.

Today's activity was located somewhere in Seattle. We had drive the hours drive and now we were just wasting time till whatever shop opened with tales of my day. I loved how Jacob ate up my stories. He never seemed to tier of hearing me speak. Every minuscule detail was important. He was worse then mum. I don't know how happy he was to know I going out this weekend into the sea of horny teenagers. I wondered how different these parties would be from the junior ones

Somehow for some ungodly reason Jake had convinced my father who was an overprotective well father that I could get something pieced. I really didn't see how it was going to work but Jake explained that he was the one that was going to do it for me I just had to pick what I wanted.

"You want more teenage experiences, you said you wanted this done, and you even thought about it in your sleep"

"Really… hey you were watching my dreams again." I pulled on the best grumpy face I could but he saw though it and picked me up and spun me around.

"Come on, this is friend of Alice's, she would have tried to stop us if the jewelry were anything but the best. Tonight we are after hour clients of tiffanies" he shook his head no one ever got used to Alice.

"Wow Alice is crazy" I just had to state the obvious

"Your tell me" we didn't look very expensive as we walked up the special stairs for private clients and into a showing room.

To drive back home was nice, slow and quiet. I loved to just place my hand on Jacobs shoulder as he drove and let him see my mind's inner dialogue, if I ever forgot he would act all mad at me for like five minutes before he gave up. We had a long write schedule for each other.

Jacob was my imprint, or I was his. He belonged to me and me alone and I knew he loved me. When I was little he was my protector my big brother. Even more fun then crazy uncle Emmet but I knew as I had aged things had changed and he saw me I a different light. I looked over to see him smiling at me. I took my hand away and started fiddling with my hair. I need to think for myself away from Jake like I had a lot. I smiled back and settled my self for the rest of the trip home.

Mum was standing on the balcony waiting for me like she always did. Some schedules were good. Jacob had barley stood the car when I jumped out and ran up stairs into my mother's arms. In some ways I think I still acted like a child, my connection with my parents was as strong as a 5 year old. It was like I hadn't gotten enough time in her arms and I really did need that comfort.

"How was your day baby?" I smiled at her not letting her go

"Strange but fun, jakes not happy that I'm going to be surrounded by testosterone on Friday, I got an invite to a party"

"I don't think even I'm happy about that"

"Mum" my voice was very winy but I couldn't believe her.

"Joking but you'll have to deal with your father on your own"

"That's going to be fun, oh why are you letting Jacob piece my flesh"

"Well actually we are letting Emmet do it… yes I know why the hell are we allowing it, well its something you need to experience" I still that the are you crazy look on my face but I let it go for once I wasn't fighting for my teenage years and I wasn't going to let to opportunity slide

"Anything else you want to do I'd try to convince your father of it now… your dreams lately have been stressed. He's worried about you, so he will be more willing to make you happy in your own way at the moment, you really have him wound around your little fingers.

I wished people would stop spying on my dreams. Let my thoughts pass along to my mother and all of my annoyance. Mum understood and let me go hang out in my room for a bit on my own. I called out to Jake to get some sleep. These days he spent most of the night spying on me – not that I really cared but now he didn't to sleep at other times.

I sprawled myself across my bed and pulled out some homework to keep my mind busy-ish. My afternoon thoughts of coarse came back straight away. Thoughts about Jake and what he was to me. Yes of course I loved him I knew I did but as any normal teenager felt I didn't want all decisions about my life predetermined, it sometimes annoyed me that Jacob was the only man I would ever have strong feelings for. I was rebelling against my self not him. I also wasn't ready for anything romantic. I was so young, 5 fricking years old. I wasn't ready to do anything. My body and my mind might have matured but my heart hadn't, I wasn't ready to leave home.

"Maybe you should tell him that" I father stood at the door smiling that smile that I watched my mother swoon over time and time again.

"Hi daddy"

"May I come in"?

Do you really have to ask" I shuffled over and pulled myself up so when dad sat down I could burry myself into his should. He always smelled so good. Different to Jacob but just a wonderful and familiar

"As much as I'm happy you don't want to move out yet and leave us, I wonder if you're really being true to your feelings. I have been a privy to your dreams of late, unfortunately so has Jacob"

"What does Jacob think?" the questions that had been plaguing me for a while daddy was actually going to answer – yay.

"He thinks you're not ready for anything romantic but he likes to know that you do feel that way about him" I smiled Jacob knew me to well, it might have been annoying if I didn't know him in return. But I need to return to the subject.

"I'm five years old dad, I should still be a baby, I want to be a baby, but I'll never have that" I was on the verge of tears but it was more just a release then breaking down and I felt comfort in the fact that daddy knew.

"And that's why we are trying to give you as much of your youth as possible, it might be hard now but later you'll have this to look back on… um sorry to tell you this but alike and rose feel its time for your 18 birthday do you mind."

I shook my head; at least I always got presents. Alice was the queen of presents daddy was good to but his were always to perfect, anything I even thought would be cool ended up wrapped and in my hands on these over the top parties Alice threw

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**hat did you think. um i forgot to add that the cullen move every so often still in the state but just to new school districts for nessie cause she has to change school everytime ofcourse i will probally add more about it next chapter but i thought i'd explain it now. um any question ask me and i'll get back to you as soon as i can but for quicker resonce add it to your eview because my emial doesn't work on this computer so pm's take me longer to retrieve. R&R next chapter up in the next few days but i have an assignment so not tommorrow **

**ciao xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**


	3. Chapter 3 lets poke hole in Neisse

**authors note: chapter three, i like this chapter it was orignally much longer but i cut it in half because the second part is very unedited as of yet and also i like where i end this one,** **oneday i'll write longer chapter but at this lenght i can post more often because it doesn't take as long yay**

**disclaimer: note mine now of it really**

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The sound of my own ripping skin was the scariest thing to ever happen. My body screamed at me to move away from the pain, it seemed stupid just to sit there. Alice held me in place. I think Emmet was having way too much fun with the lets poke hole in Neisse's flesh experiment. It was working well in a sick kind of way. He would somehow shove him finger into my ear lobe then as fast as possible – not that that was really an issue. He would put the earring in place and let the skin heal. They looked great but now he was going to do my belly button and I just could see how it was going to work. They were going for just tearing a whole then putting it back together and I couldn't famoth why my daddy who supposedly loved me was letting this happen.

Ok ok I was being a crybaby I wanted this. And after the first ear I had begged Alice to help me stick to my decision. Mum and dad had left and Jacob was freaking out a few meters away from the house. I didn't think he was coping well. His great idea at making me happy didn't seem to make as much sense now.

As I said before the sound was the worst part. Something between ripping cardboard and grating nails on choke boards. It was louder in my head though. Fear played funny games on the senses.

"All down" Emmet's face was full of this sick pride as he looked a his handy work, letting me breathe though the quickly residing throbbing of my stomach, Alice quickly cleaned the area from what I could guess it probably looked pretty gory

"You look good kid" he helped me up lifting me from the bench to the floor conveniently place in front of a mirror, I couldn't deny it looked great, and due to the evil effects of vanity I started wondering what else I could do.

"What about my nose"

"Not over my beat up twisted mutilated corpse your nose" Jacob surprised me at how fast he arrived sweeping me into his arms and running as fast as possible away from the evils of Emmet's influence

"If you return me and let me get my nose done, I'll let you come tonight as my date." I whispered the words into his ear this was as close to anything not friendly that I had ever done. And again I was surprised at how fast Jacob could run if he had the reasons to do so.

Emmet had the equipment prep'd – more then anything he would need with me but he felt he needed to look the part before he could act the part of turning me into an angst ridden teenager looker like. Though the rest of the ordeal Jacob held my hand and Emmet made a ridiculous speech about his new chosen career vamp piercings he was even going on about one day teaching a class. Oh how I loved uncle Emmet.

Dad didn't say much when he and mum returned but he smiled at me a mimic to the overly enthusiastic one I had glued on my face. Mum helped me get ready for the party while Alice sorted out Jake. She eventually came up to make finale adjustments to my mothers work opting for a top and skirt that showed off my knew accessory. I looked good. I think Jake wished to protest as he led the way to my car but he was smart enough not to go up against Alice.

The house was already crowded with people as we arrived. I saw Nicky swaying drunkenly to the music from the window. I wondered if I could get drunk. I passed on the thought to Jacob and he shook his head unfathomed by my ideas of fun.

"Lets go get some beer" I couldn't retain my excitement as I dragged him behind me. Passing through the room till we found what I believed to be a keg. I tried to pour us each a cup, I failed and Jake took over. Pete found me at this stage, he noticed the nose piecing and I happily took my compliments. He offered to pour me a drink but jakes work was handed to me at the same time

"Umm this is Jake, he umm my boyfriend" I watched Pete's expression go from confused, disappointed and the composed into a friendly enough gesture they shook Jake hurting Pete's hand I hit him for that and dragged him off to find other people I knew

"So boyfriend, is that what I am now"

"Well it works well enough, I'm going to end up with you, and I love you so well it takes care of unwanted admirers"

"Like Pete." His superior complex over my friends worth had me in the mood to tease

"I don't know? If I wasn't bound to you for as long as we both shall live I think I could go there" he looked at me again something that was meant to be judging showed a little to much insecurity that I had to laugh and pull him out the to dance floor his arms locked around where they would forever stay

"Your the only man I will ever love to tease about the insecurity you have about what's in my heart" I rested my head on his shoulder and let him lead me as we danced in a style probably not suited for the party.

Maybe it was the "one beer" I had or the atmosphere of the room but all of a sudden I felt the urge to kiss him. Something I had felt desire for a while about but was afraid it would cause me to grow up just that little bit more. It wasn't hard; instincts were very strong about what I wanted to do. Looking into his eyes, his lips were so close and then they were on mine gentle and soft matching the rhythm of our sway. There was passion and need that pushed me forward making me want more but Jake pulled away kissed my forehead and picked up the pace of our steps. I tried to hide my disappointment.

"We will go as slow as a snail, its not only you who is crazily aware of how old you really are, you don't need to grow up that fast." And he held me close and I embraced his warmth never wanting to leave the arms that knew me so well.

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**authors note: next part should be up in a few days R&R**


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